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My next crap could spell disaster.Went out last night and got really wasted.I woke up this morning next to a fat old bird who was snoring and farting ... so, at least I got home OK.The wife's back on the warpath again.She was up for making a home video last night and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.Angela Merkel arrives at Passport Control in Athens airport."Nationality?" asks the immigration officer."German," she replies."Occupation?"No, just here for a few days."As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Parking Officer's funeral, a voice from inside screams:"I'm not dead, I'm not dead. Let me out!"The Vicar smiles, leans forward, sucking air through his teeth and mutters,"Too late, mate, the paperwork's already done."I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night.Or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the missus were going to commit suicide together yesterday.Strangely enough,. "Please just let me explain completely before you give me your answer. I know how ridiculous what I'm about to say will sound, but let me assure you that I am very serious."Alex grabbed a pile of $100 bills from the case and handed them to Dominique. Her eyes widened as she spread the crisp hundreds in her fingers."Whatever your answer, that's $10,000. It's yours just for being here and listening ... and for keeping this conversation between us."Dominique's continued to stare down at the stack of money in her hands while Alex sat on the edge of the bed enjoying her expression."This offer expires the minute you leave this room and regardless of your answer, after tonight we will not ever see each other again in person. The timeliness of this matter is important to me, so if you turn it down I will be making the same offer to someone else tonight ... but if you accept I promise to make you a very rich woman. You'll never have to work again."Dominique looking up from the cash. "What is.
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